so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
