why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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