Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
