He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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