Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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