Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize