So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
