2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize