i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
