then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
