am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
