whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize