Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
