so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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