At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
