I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
