I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
