Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize