just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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