sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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