end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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