I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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