I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
