btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
