This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
