Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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