i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
