Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
