I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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