So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
