I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
FUCK WHALES
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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