you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
