Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
