She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love accidental penises.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
