did you get engaged???
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
