Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
