i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
