im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
