Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sorry about my life...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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