Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
