I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
