I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
