I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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