I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
