you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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