Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize