If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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