That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
