I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I need moral support for this bender
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
