she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
