Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
