I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
