so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
