Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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