I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
