I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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