The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
