Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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