Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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