having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
