I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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