I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize