do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
