Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize