How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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