Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
