I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize