She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
