Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
