Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
