i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to calm my uterus...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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