Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
