I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
