Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
