there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
