Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
