I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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