I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
