did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
