the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
