So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
