mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
