Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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