why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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