She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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