i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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