im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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