At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
