So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
did i just pee glitter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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