I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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