It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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