This is not my ceiling
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
