k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
