I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
