you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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