"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
