god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
