I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize