i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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