flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
