Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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