the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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