This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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